Sunday, January 6, 2013

What If I Never Go?

I think the thing I have battled most over the last year is the knowledge that I may never get to go on a mission trip.

I believe from the bottom of my heart that God has put this desire in me and I know without a doubt that He is calling me to go on a mission trip.  But God hasn't told me where.  So many times in scripture Jesus explained things to his disciples and they almost always took it to mean something physical while Jesus was trying to teach them something spiritual.  I picture Jesus banging his head against the wall saying, "C'mon, people!  Don't you get it?"  What if my mission trip is not on the physical world map, but in the familiar - but mostly uncharted- territory of my heart?  

What if I never actually go on a mission trip?  What if the sacrifice God wants of me is to let go of my desire to see first hand all that I have learned and to be physically present with the children of India or somewhere else?  What if the money I would spend on a mission trip is the money that God is asking me to give away?  That does make the most sense.   After all, the amount of money it takes to buy plane tickets alone for our family is enough to build a school house, sponsor almost 18 children for a year, sponsor one child all the way through adulthood, buy 7 Jesus Wells, provide 54 pairs of milk-producing goats to be divided among several villages, or a blanket for 625 cold children.  Logically speaking, going on a mission trip is completely contrary to my greater desire to change a life.  

If I preach sacrifice, I need to be willing to do it myself.  

I may never get to go overseas on a mission trip.  I may never be the one to hold the hand of a child who needs someone to show them love.  I may never have that mission trip experience I hear others talk about and that I long for... and I need to be OK with that.  

What if I never go?  If I'm going to do this Christian thing for real, I need to be willing to accept whatever God's answer is to that question.

It's been a year and I'm still struggling with that one.

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